he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
