Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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