Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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