I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
