Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
