i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
