We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
