how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
