I just made out with a guy for $7.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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