A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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