I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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