There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize