I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
