why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
