I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
