I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
