I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Will you blow on my dice?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
