I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
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He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
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how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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