Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
