my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
