Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
