Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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