you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
