just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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