I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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