True but thats because hes a fetus.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
