It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
