It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
