Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
