so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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