my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
