...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
