Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
