guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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