And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
