JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
