just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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