The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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