Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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