Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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