Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
