This house was built for laser tag.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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