Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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