am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
