If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Still dying that you shit outside
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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