Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the condom got lost in my hair
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
