I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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