i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I skipped work to stalk him.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
