i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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