Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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