just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
