Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
