I should be sponsored by Trojan
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
