Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
