4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
