names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
