Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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