What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
