you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
