it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
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Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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