i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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