Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
That accounts for only three of the penises
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
