the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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