I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
