It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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