The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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