too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There r osticjed everywhere
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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