I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
