What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
