I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
