if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
