think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
