sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
